yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
