In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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