I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You need Xanax blowdarts
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
