I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
