I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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