Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
