the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
