Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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