Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
