I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
