I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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