something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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