even my farts smell like vagina
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
