He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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