i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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