I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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