I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
