her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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