rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
