Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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