I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
