the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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