we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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