marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
