Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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