i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
