oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
where are you?
Hypothermia
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
