Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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