Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
