His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
