her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
