please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
