Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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