Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
