I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
