I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
