If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
