the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
