Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
