Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
