im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
