i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
