you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
