I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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