What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
