If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
