Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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