is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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