does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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