Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had to cum in my sink.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
