she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
