last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My vagina just recognized that song.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
