I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
