she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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