I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I need moral support for this bender
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
