i wish there were pregnant emoticons
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
